I Don't Care What Size I Am Anymore

11 July

Fedora Stripe t-shirt 1
Fedora stripe t-shirt 2


T-shirt - Topshop | Pinafore - Joanie Clothing | Hat - H&M

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I know it all too well. The feeling of your heart sinking into your stomach as I try to tug the zip of a dress in my usual size up and it just. Won't. Go.

Immediately, I feel repulsed by my body. If only my back wasn't as wide. If only I'd been keeping up with my morning runs. If only I hadn't eaten that Kinder Bueno at lunch.

Isn't it funny how a number sewn into a piece of material can make you feel so many things?

The amount of beautiful things I've refused to buy purely based on the fact that they didn't sit "quite right" in my usual size, or bought and worn uncomfortably because I could fit into the size below is ridiculous.

The fact is, the size in the back of your jeans means almost nothing. Granted, I'd be a little taken aback if I shot up ten sizes, but the clothes in my wardrobe range from a 6 to a 14. And trust me, I am nowhere near a size 6.

Clothes sizes vary from shop to shop, and even item to item, in some cases (we've all bought our usual style and size of jeans to find that they were completely different, right)? And let's not even get started on H&M sizing.

In reality, nobody except me even sees the size of the clothes I'm wearing. So why am I more likely to buy a dress if it fits me in a size small?

I suppose it all comes down to confidence and the fact that I've never been very secure in my body. Fitting into a smaller size reassures me that I'm thin. Nobody can call me fat if my jumper tells me I'm small, right? When really, size doesn't matter at all.

But no more. I'm buying things that fit how I want them to, whatever size they are. There are more important things to worry about.

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