How To Cure A Hangover

23 November

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Picture the scene. You wake up, confused. Where are you? Half on the sofa, half on the floor. What's that smell? It's the half eaten box of cheesy chips you fell asleep eating. What's that pounding in your head, that dryness in your mouth, that queasy feeling of regret in your heart? That, my friend, is a hangover.

But you won't be feeling like someone's kicked you in the back of the head for long, because I've got the secret to feeling human again.

RE-HYDRATION AND PREPARATION

Before you do anything, drink a glass of water and have a paracetamol. If you're lucky enough to live with other people, bribe one of them to bring it to you from the comfort of your bed or sofa. This will reduce, if not kill, any headache and the urge to throw up whatever it is that you drank last night.

Water can taste a little bit weird when you've been drinking, so feel free to substitute it for the beverage of your choice - milk, tea, coffee, whatever. No, not beer. What's wrong with you?

ALL THE FOOD

Hopefully, you will have foreseen this situation before going out to drink a bucket of gin and have made sure that your cupboards are stocked with Asda's finest junk food in advance, you clever cat.

If not, better head on over to Deliveroo, Just Eat or your favourite takeaway and order some food. I find that eating lots after an evening of drinking helps to, um, persuade the contents of your stomach to stay put.

My suggestions for hangover food are:

  • pizza (standard)
  • burger and chips
  • Super Noodles (or Koka noodles if you're in Liverpool)
  • crisps (Frazzles/supermarket brand bacon crisps are post-alcohol my crisp of choice)
  • fish finger sandwich
  • pasta with lots of cheese
  • English breakfast
You'll notice that most of these foods are a) amazing and b) full of warm, carby goodness to prepare you for the next step - 

GET CLEAN

After a few hours of groaning into your pillows and stocking up on food greasy enough to fill a deep fat fryer, it's time to drag yourself into a hot shower (treat yourself to a sit down shower if it's a particularly bad hangover) and scrub the alcohol and lingering sense of shame from your skin.

You'll emerge feeling shiny and new, like a butterfly from its prosecco-drenched cocoon.

FACE THE DAY

You should now be feeling ready to take on whatever today has in store for you. Hopefully, it's a day of films wrapped up in a blanket and your pyjamas on the sofa. I would recommend avoiding Facebook unless you're 100% certain that nothing embarrassing happened last night. Best to stick to the warm and cosy world of Pinterest.

And this is where I leave you, friend. I hope this post has made you feel better and maybe given you a giggle along the way.

What are your fail-safe hangover survival tips?

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