Shout Out To My Ex

28 October

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I know loads of people are probably doing this kind of post in the wake of Little Mix's new song, but it's interesting (and embarrassing) to look back at old loves and how they changed us, hopefully better.

I for one was definitely guilty of slightly altering my interests or style to try and make my boyfriends of the time fancy me more as a teenager. A lot of us are like chameleons; we're going out with a grungy lad and suddenly we're totally into the nineties look and accidentally on purpose leaving our collection of Nirvana vinyls on display. Being yourself is definitely the best thing today - there's only so long you can pretend to be interested in skydiving before shit gets real - it's also good to learn about new things through your love. Being open to new interests is a good thing. Becoming a clone of your partner is less good.

Another lesson I've learned is not to try and convince someone who isn't interested that they are. Luckily, I only had to learn this lesson once. Some couples break up and get back together constantly and it works for them. But most breakups are permanent. There's a difference between fighting to make a relationship work and clinging on to someone who isn't bothered anymore. Relationships need both parties to be interested, and if it's over for one of you, the other has to accept defeat.

Your happiness should always come first. If you're unhappy being with someone, don't stay with them. It's not fair on you or them. As we get older, and things like shared rent and pets become reality, it might seem easier to just stick with someone because of all the complications a breakup might cause. Don't deny yourself just for the sake of convenience, you'll end up resenting it.

The last thing I've learned is my favourite: If you're in a relationship, don't play it cool. Showing your other half that you care isn't desperate or clingy. After the initial stages, you should be comfortable enough to tell them how you feel. This doesn't necessarily mean sending them a dozen red roses and having a string quartet play at dinner, it could just mean making them a cup of tea in the morning. We all show people we love them in different ways. Life is short, there's no point in half-arsing it. 

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